Homework Rough Draft

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Here's my homework rough draft.

With eyes the color of dark red blood, he stared me down with a bloodthirsty glare. His blond hair shifted slightly in the breeze. In the pale moonlight, it shined like the whitest white and suddenly everything grew unnaturally quiet. Quieter than it had been, as if I was the only living thing left on earth. And considering the situation I was in, the thought didn't seem far fetched at all. A snarl ripped from his throat, snapping me out of my thoughts.

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Here is my final draft:

Blood red eyes pierced through my soul as if trying to read my thoughts. Her gaze held me there, frozen in place, but I knew that I would've been too petrified to run anyway. I stared dumbfounded at her dark blood red eyes. They were mainly red, but black licked the edges like a small fire. There was an evil look in her eyes, my instincts told me to run, but I couldn't help but be mesmerized by them. A breeze flew by and shifted her whitest of white hair. It settled back in place and I tore my eyes away from hers to notice that it was down to her waist. Her long black cloak gently swayed. I noticed that it seemed to be brand new, as if she bought it this very morning. Under the coat, she was wearing a plain white shirt, with a black knee-long dress over it. Laced bots climbed up her legs. These were also knee high. A mysterious and dangerous aura surrounded this girl. Another breeze blew by, the clouds uncovered the moon and her hair shifted again. I finally realized what she was. A blood-thirsty vampire.